So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
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