All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
