need another drink. this is the easiest way
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
