is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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