He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
