One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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