i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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