Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
