Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just google imaged poop.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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