my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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