I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
