I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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