i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
