And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
