There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
