Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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