she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
