I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
