i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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