My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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