And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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