he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He? As in you personified your dick?
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