I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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