dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
