Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
