OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
