who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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