I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
