she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
