That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ladies don't puke and tell
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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