you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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