I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
