that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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