Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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