i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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