I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
