PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
