so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
