the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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