Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
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Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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