You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
