I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
