He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize