Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
