are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
