I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
