Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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