Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
