I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we should paint friendship bongs
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