Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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