Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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