Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
