wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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