So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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