I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
