peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
accomplished twins. life is a go
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
