Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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