K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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