i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
