Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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