I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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