Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
