I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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