dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
