Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
