how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
