College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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