You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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