You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
