I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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