Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
